I am basking in the truths that I am now walking out right now. Truths that have become intrinsic to who I am, and how I live. The space of swaying...
It feels like we are all expanding, and if I know anything about expanding it means that we're also feeling deeply. As my scale opened up, as it moved from "shitty to bad" to more than, I often found that I was invited to create new space within my own heart and body to fit the new life pouring in. Most of the time that means, acknowledging what used to be; the pain, the abuse, the old experiences, the "___". Most of the time it meant feeling.
At times I thought that this was a sign that I was still "broken," but I came to understand more and more that it simply means I'm alive. To feel is to live. Feeling is apart of our freedom, whereas the survival without breath is the space that reminds us when we couldn't feel and live. We couldn't because it was too hard, but now we can (even though at times it's just as hard haha). To see both on the scale means we feel both, and that is not bad.
Finding new ways to serve our hearts is everlasting. Which is why freedom has no expiration date.
Today my body feels many things, as does my heart, but I know where my solid ground is. I know who I am. I know what my resources are. I know what I need and I know how to ask. I'm still working on the receiving part, I think that's just a scarier one for me, but I'm learning. I'm swaying and bending. I'm laying my hands on the sea I was once estranged from, and feeling the waves as they come. When to ride to shore, when to trust dive, when I'm in the deep ocean and can still access that solid ground of freedom.
Healing has created doors and windows and ledges and hope where none should have been. In the deepest waters, in the eye of my many storms, in the chaos of the sandy desert, in the fear of the impending doom....I found my freedom, I found myself.
How do you feel today? What is your body saying? How can you respond?